Famous Quotes Never Said
by LadyOfSage
Summary: Lines you will NEVER hear Naruto Characters EVER say. many chapters ready. My friends tell me its hilarious :P
1. First Entry

**Famous Quotes Never Said **

Sakura: Naruto, I love you...

Gaara: I LOVE EVERYONE!!! LET ME GIVE YOU A BIG OLD HUG!!

Itachi: I didn't do it...

Orochimaru: Must... have... BEANIE BABIES!!!!

Sasuke: Sometimes, I just like to feel pretty

Jiraya: Tsunande, your boobs are too big

Naruto: God all this trouble just to become Hokage? F' it, I give up.

Sasuke: Forget killing my brother, he did me a favor, our parents were a-holes!

Naruto: Kyuubi? you mean that silly fox? oh, that was just a joke, he isnt inside of me

Orochimaru: I look like a woman. Oh wait, im being honest

Hinata: Baka!...(idiot)

Chouji: I'm full

Hinata: Fuck this shit, you're going down, you spotlight stealing whore::Beats the crap outta Hanabi::

Kankurou: Dolls are for kids...

Naruto: Only an idiot would want to be Hokage

Kakashi: Yawns I'm starting to get tired of this book

Kiba: I'm really more of a cat person...

Gai: I give up, Kakashi...you win

Itachi: You know, maybe the whole "massacre your entire clan" thing wasn't such a good idea...

Tenten: Neji, is something wrong with your eyes? They look a little red.

Neji: Crap, me and Sasuke must have switched contacts again...

Sakura: Oh my God, Sasuke, when did you get Byakugan?!

Sasuke: Dammit, me and Neji switched contacts again...

Kakashi: Where the hell were you guys? I've been here for three hours...

Orochimaru: Who needs to be immortal when you have a tongue like this...?

Naruto: Obviously, Sakura, you should have used the quadratic formula to find the parabolic movement of the kunai before you threw it. X equals negative B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus 4 times A times C all divided by 2 times A

Naruto- I hate ramen. I HATE IT.

Sasuke- I love everybody. Give me a hug. Isnt the world great?

Sakura- Sasuke sucks. You are not cool. Make love to me Naruto.

Hinata- Holy crap, Naruto is the most annoying asshole i know!

Neji- People live in crappy destinies cuz they suck.

3rd Hokage- Life sucks. DOnt become Hokage.

Jiraiya- Must look at naked men.

Orochimaru- People are cool. I want bodies of animals instead.

Rock Lee- If hard work is supposed to help why do i suck.

Gai- Hard work sucks. Im going to moes.

Neji- I pity da' fool who faces me!

Gaara: Lets build sandcastles together!

* * *

More to come! 


	2. Second Entry

**Conversations never held**

Gai- What? ...What happend?

Kakashi- You can't do that...

Gai- What?!? Why!??

Kakashi- Because I placed a trap card!

Gai- Explain!!!

Kakashi- By placing this trap card down, it cancelled the ability for you to summon your monster. But it allows me to summon Dog Demon Warrior!!! summons it to the field and with his special ability he also gains 100 points per turn!

Gai- ah! But that was so specific!?!? How did you know I was going to make that move?!?!? ...The Sharingan?!?!?

Kakashi- heheheh ...Even better... ::raises his forehead protector to reveal:: ..!!!!!!!!

Gai- : The Millennium Eye!!?!?

Kakashi- Yes...now I can read your mind and copy jitsus ::le gasp::!

Gai- Heh...well now...::tosses Duel Monsters Game table aside:: Let's settle this once and for all::a huge spirit forms behind him:: (A La Shaman King)

Kakashi- : Is that who I think it is!?!?

Gai- Bruce Lee!!!! Spirit Form!! forms him into a ball... Unity!!!!!

* * *

Yondaime: Oh no I must beat the Kyuubi but I'm running out of options. I must hurry and pull a spactacular move out of my arse to win this thing now::pulls out Naruto from behind his back:: Well this will do! 

Kyuubi: OH NO HE'S DISCOVERED MY WEAKNESS!

Yondaime: Now I shall seal you within this newborn who happens to be my son! Fear Kyuubi for you will have to endure the most painful tortures imaginable when little Naruto get's indigestion and as we all know in THIS world there is no PEPTO BISMOL around to save you!Muahahahahaha!

Kyuubi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ::get's sealed in Naruto::

**Back to Ye Ol Quotes**

Lee::rapid sequence of hand seals:: Kuchiyose Edo-Tensei no jutsu ::from the coffins, all three Hokage come out with bowl cuts:: And you thought I couldn't do ninjutsu ::maniacal laughter::

Naruto- Hey hey... Jaraiya... You're a Frog Hermit yes? ...Well you remind me alot of That Turtle Hermit...

Jaraiya- You know Master Roshi!?!? We go to the same club! (teenage mutant turtles)

Chouji: Oh look, it's time to work out to my Jane Fonda video!

Kakashi ripps off mask : THERE! IS EVERYBODY SATISFIED NOW?????

Sasuke (hippie style): Dude, revenge is so l not the answer. Revenge is like hate, and hate is like anti-love, and anti-love is like...whoah, not cool man

Sasuke- ::lands infront of Naruto on top of the hospital:: It's Time to Settle this ::lets his cursed seal spread::

Naruto- Fine... ::The Stone on his necklace lights up:: ...NA-RU-TOOOOOOOO ::voice gets deeper:: OOOOOOOOO ::Morphs into Yodaime:: OOOO::points:: It's Time to Duel!!!!

Sasuke: Ino, Sakura, why don't you two stop fighting. There's enough of me for the both of you.

Anko (when asked about the cursed seal): Oh, this? This is the hickie Orochimaru gave me when we were making out...

Sasuke (when asked about the cursed seal): Oh, this? This is the hickie Orochimaru...


	3. Third Entry

Quotes

Shukaku: Only you can prevent forest fires!

(the ultimate, never before spoken lie of all time!) Sakura: I have an idea!

Rock Lee: "since I cant use ninjutsu or genjutus, im going to show you my latest technique, supperior to all others!" ... takes out a wand, "stupefy!"

Gaara: Sand in my shoes, AGAIN??

Kakashi::ploop:: oh NOOO! My Sharingan glass-eye popped out again!! Damn thing never fit anyway...

Orochimaru: lets be friends

Pakkun: Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Kakashi- Now remember... There is no "I" in Team... but there is an I...in Pie...There's an I in "Meat Pie"...the analogy for meat is team...nevermind.

Shukaku::doing the badger song:: Badger, badger, badger, badger... ::points at Rock Lee's hair:: Mushroom! Mushroom!

Aoi: Man, I'm just a weak piece-of-crap filler character, why on earth do I even exist? Whos the SOB that created me... please let me just die along with my ghetto worthless non-existant sword.

Itachi: Hi kid... I'm from the Big Brother program.

Kakashi: Okay, I have a confession, I really don't know how to read, I just hold up the book to make me look smart.

Ebisu: Women are not hot... they simply make my nose bleed...

More Conversations

Naruto- Shino, Why are you always wearing those Shades?

Shino- talking to himself "...Why is it so dark all the time?..." Huh? to naruto whatcha say?

Naruto- Nevermind...How much did those shades cost?

Shino- ...What shades?

Naruto- ::takes Shino's shades:: These!

Shino- ARGH!!! ITS SO BRIGHT!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO NARUTO!?!? I'M BLIND!! I'M BLIND!!! I'M BLIND::repeating::

Naruto- (huh?) but it's night time...watching Shino Scream...I'm...gonna borrow these for a while... ::walks off::

Naruto- Mr. Uchiha!...Surprised to see me::wearing Shino's Shades::

Sasuke- ...No...

Naruto- Then you're aware of it...

Sasuke- ...of what?

Naruto- Our connection, I don't fully understand How it happend... Perhaps some part of you were imprinted on to me... something over written or copied...maybe your sharingan had something to do with it.. I don't know... But it is at this point irrelevant...What matters is whatever happend...happend for a reason..

Sasuke- looking at naruto like he's an idiot ...You're an idiot...But you managed to know that much dialogue from the Matrix?...Congratulations...

Naruto- Thank you...But as you well know appearances can be deceiving, which brings me back to the reason why we're here... We're not here because we're free. We're here because we're not free...There is no escaping reason...

Sasuke-...Sh-...Shut up...

Naruto- No denying purpose... Because as we both know without purpose we would not exist...

Naruto2- It is purpose that created us..

Sasuke- ::looks at that naruto::

Naruto3- Purpose that connects us.

Naruto4- Purpose that pulls us.

Naruto5- That guides us.

Naruto6- That drives us.

Naruto7- It is purpose that defines us.

Naruto8- Purpose that binds us.

Sasuke- ...Shadow Replications::surrounded by Narutos:: But when did you-

Naruto9- And we're here because of you Mr. Uchiha...We're here to take from you what you tried to take from us...Sakura!!!

Sasuke- : What?! No! I don't like Sakur-

::Naruto Dogpile::

Narutos- It is inevitable...

Sasuke- Would you Shut it ::busts out from under all the Narutos:: with the Matrix Dialogue!!!

Sasuke- ...I NEVER LIKED SAKURA!!!!!!

Naruto- ... oh

* * *

Naruto- ::throws pokeball:: i choose you Gamabunta 

Kakahi- ::throws pokeball:: i choose you Pakkun.

Naruto- Gamabunta use sludge bomb.

Kakashi- Pakkun! use bite attack.

Naruto- oh no. my summon is getting weak. i must do something. Gamabunta use double-team.

Kakashi- damn. Naruto is sending his summonmon his chakra and is copying his Kage BUnshin. Pakkun use Chidori!

Pakkun- bark bark

Kakashi- do it now!

Naruto- sh!t. i gotta do something. Gamabunta use Hyperbeam.

* * *

Kakashi- ::with Lightsaber:: good now release your anger. show me your true power Kabuto. 

Kabuto- ahhh why did you slice off my hand. You told me you killed my father.

Kakashi- It is not I who killed yer father. u know why? takes off mask because Kabuto...

wait for it...

Kakashi- IM YOUR FATHER!!!!!!

Kabuto- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait that would explain why i have silver hair..

* * *

Naruto: Dude! what's mine say! 

Sasuke: Sweet! whats mine say dude?

Naruto: Dude! But what does mine say!?

Sasuke: Sweet! mine?!?

Naruto: Dude! WHAT DOES MINE SAY!!!

Sasuke: SWEET! WHAT DOES MINE SAY!!!

::fighting::

Kakashi: BAKA! Your's says Sweet his says Dude!!

Sasuke+Naruto: Ooooh.

* * *

Kabuto: "Well, Orochimaru, what are we going to do tonight?" 

Orochimaru: "Same thing we try to do every night Kabuto, try to take over the world!!!"

* * *

Sakura: Hey! Who do you think you are drooling over MY MAN! 

Ino: What did you say?! He's MY MAN! Why would he want someone like you!

Sakura: Oh no you didn't!

Ino: Oh yes I did!

Sakura: Bring it!

Ino: Oh it's already been BROUGHTEN!

* * *

3rd Hokage - So, I thought we'd start off this new team by each telling our interests and future goals! 

Jiraiya - Titties and beer

Tsunade - Kicking the author's ass for giving me these knockers

Orochimaru - Having a big snake... to.. summon, I mean

* * *

Tenten - What? Your eyes can see all around you and through things? 

Neji - Yes, actually doing the first part of the chuunin exam I looked through someone's body to see what he was writing down on the test..

Tenten - What? really does that mean you can see people with your eyes closed?...HEY Does that mean you can see Through clothing?!?

Neji - Ye- What?!? ...Yes I could see if my eyes were closed (speculation) but I wont ever look at a girl like-

Tenten - what color are my panties?

Neji - ...C- Can we talk about something else?

Tenten - Yes ...How are you able to hit all of the points on a person's body to stop their chakra flow?

Neji - Well I can see them... My eyes can see the points but... I don't hit All the points, it's too much to bother with... I just hit over 75 of the points because that's all that's really needed...orange

Tenten - what? Orange? what's oran- ...

Neji - Oops.


	4. Fourth Entry

Quotes

Chouji: Shikamaru! You're getting fat. Stop eatting for christs sake!!!

Itachi::in a bathtub somewhere:: Rubber Ducky, you're the one...you make bathtime lots of fun!

Sasuke: Sakura, deep down, I actually do you like you better than dirt.

Gaara: Anyone want skittles?

Kankuro: I think natural beauty is more important ::throws out makeup bottles and jars::

Sasuke: Naruto! You're a GENIUS!!

hinata: naruto?? naruto where are you? has anyone seen my sex toy around::mutters:: damm i just got these whips and he's off again.

Zetsu: I'm going vegan

Lee: Dammit, I hate this suit!

Naruto::watching Sasuke in his house:: come on, take off the shirt... yes!... now the pants...

Gaara: Look Temari nee-chan, such beautiful and colourful butterflies.

Sasuke: BUNNIES::chases after bunnies:: Wait! Come back! Noooo!!!!

Sakura: I should join Akatsuki! I mean, you get to wear nailpolish all the time, and I'm sure they need a feminine touch...

kakashi: Do any of you Genin's have ANY idea how hard it is to throw a kunai with only 1 eye!?!?

Kiba: Akamaru's not only my partner, but my emergency ration.

Kakashi: Icha Icha Paradise sucks. Harry Potter satisfies my fantasies now

Shika::pointing at chouji:: u r such a damn fatass, look at me and try to have a fine ass as mine.

Conversations

Sasuke::snatches Kakashi's book and reads it:: OMG! it's...it's...!

Kakashi: that's right...it's my list of people to kill

Sasuke: but-but-but why are my parent's name's crossed out on the second page?!

* * *

Hinata: I used my byakugan Naruto and I accidently...saw...your...thingy

Naruto: Were you impressed on it's size

Hinata: Not really...I seen Neji's when we were training once and I fainted

Naruto: Then why do you alwayz faint in front of me???

Hinata: Because I picture his on you...

::Hinata faints::

Naruto: f it

* * *

Team 7 is fighting the Akatsuki leader together and suddenly Naruto screams

"Its hamster-time!"

everybody dances the hamsterdance

* * *

Hinata: N-Naruto-kun.

Naruto: Oh, hello Hinata!

Hinata: Well...that is...i would just like to say...

Naruto: While we're young, woman.

Hinata: ...T-Those noises you made while you were in the bathroom were beautiful!

Naruto: (What the...?)

Hinata: The rhythmic grunting and sighing were music to my ears!

Naruto: (...!)

Hinata: And if it was okay, i would like to expel my waste...alongside with you...

Naruto: ...Wow, Hinata. You managed to destroy any feeling i had for you with a mere 3 lines.

Hinata: ...And-and "destroyed" really means?

Naruto: Please get out of my sight, slug.

* * *

Uchiha house; Sasuke is checking up on his brother

Sasuke: Brother! Brother where ar-- ::opens bathroom door:: Brother, what are you doing with mom's make-up?

Itachi: ...To see...what i am capable of...

Sasuke::Screams::

* * *

Sakura: Where the hell is Kakashi?

Kakashi: Here i am!

Naruto: Ya know, you always say you were late because you were dancing with a woman, but last night i saw yo--

Sakura::covers mouth:: Hush, bitch.

Kakashi::sharingan on:: Yes, you make him silent... Grins Anyway, might i interest you two lovelies in a threesome with your sensei!?

Naruto: Will it bring me one-step closer to becoming a Hokage?

Kakashi: Why, yes. Threesomes are mandatory for all Hokages!

Sakura: Sensei, that's a lie and you kno--

Naruto::covers mouth:: Hush, bitch.

Kakashi::Sharingan on:: Yes, you make sure she stays quiet, Naruto


	5. Narrative Convenience

**Two words: Narrative convenience**

Takes Place After the Fight Between the Hokage and Orochimaru**  
**

Orochimaru: Fuck, my arms! ..::Runs away::

Kakashi: Now, we can all take a bre-

Itachi: Hello

Kakashi: Where the hell did you come from?

Itachi: Oh, you know, out back. Anyway, give me all your Naruto

Kakashi: Screw that, I KEEL YOU!

--Mindrape occurs--

Kakashi: xx

Orochimaru: Oh yeah, did I mention? This guy's stronger than me

Kakashi: Stronger than you? The leading student of the God of Shinobi who you just killed twenty minutes ago? Despite the fact you're 50 and he's not old enough to shave?

Orochimaru: So it would seem

Kakashi: Horseshit

Kisame: You're fucked now!

::Goes for kill::

::Gai appears::

Itachi: o/-\o

Kisame: Oh no, Spandex, our secret weakness

::Flee::

--Meanwhile in some shithole town near Konoha--

Jiraiya: I better stay close to Naruto because I know Akatsuki are after him and if they catch him they'll surely OMG BOOBS! Fuck you Naruto, go to the room and watch pay-per-view

Naruto: No one loves me

::In the room::

Naruto: When you wish upon a star...Makes no difference who you are..

::Knock knock::

Naruto: OMG! It must be my new family! That wish came true fast...

::Opens door::

Itachi: -/o\-

Kisame: ...

Naruto: Are you my mommy?

Kisame: I'll cut you!

Jiraiya: Oh noes you didn't!

Itachi: OMG! Spandex and an old pervert in one day? How unlucky can we be? T/-\T

Kisame: It feels like he's undressing me with his eyes .

Jiraiya: Alright, prepare too-

Sasuke: Hated brother!

Naruto: Omg he loves me

Itachi: Oh, Sasuke. Hey look, I'm sorry I put that Uchihacest story on MySpace…

Sasuke: Chidori!

Kisame and Jiraiya: ..::Get popcorn::

Physical and metal rape occurs

Itachi: I'm so awesome .**:D**

Sasuke: -Is in coma-

Itachi: Where was I, oh yeah. Jiraiya… will you sign my copy of Icha Icha Paradice .

Jiraiya: o.O

Kisame: I could have been teamed up with the transgender with digi-cam with the auto-felatio hands but oh no, I had to pick the "Genius."

Itachi: ..::Bitchslaps::

Kisame: D':

Itachi:: Anyhoo…

I am Uchiha Itachi. Commander of the armies of the North, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true Hokage, Marcus Aurelius. Son to a murdered father, brother to a fucked up Bishy, and I will have my Naruto-kun, in this life or the- .::RUN AWAY!::

-Is gone-

Kisame: WAIT FOR ME!

Jiraiya: You won't get away this jutsu is impossible to escape!

Naruto: ..::Bitchslaps:: You fuckwit! Don't you know as soon as Kishi write a rule like he has to break it?

Jiraiya: -Makes chase-

---- Space... where Itachi should be---

Jiraiya: Damm. Well, at least I'm unhur- trips and smacks head on floor DAMMIT!!

-Meanwhile-

Kisame: Brave Sir Robin ran away!

Itachi: Shut up

Kisame: Bravely ran away away!

Itachi: I said shut up!

Kisame: When danger reared it' ugly head, Sir Robin bravely turned and-

Eric Idel's lawyer: ..::Bitchslaps::

Kisame: Um, anyway, why didn't we take Naruto?

Itachi: Because it is not yet time

Kisame: Then why did we come at all?

Itachi: …

Kisame: And he's a ninja, he could die before we're ready. He'd be safer locked up.

Itachi: Well, if you really want to know…

* * *

Itachi: You see I was rushed straight into the story. Rather than build up my power Kishi just decided to let Ororchimaru who was just shown to be godly powerful say I was tougher than him. Swift and easy. 

LadyOfSage: So why didn't you get Naruto?

Itachi: Look on the front cover, we can't kill the hero or at least not so early on. However since it'd be retarded that Naruto could beat at such a young age Jiraiya is now so powerful we could never beat him. Just thinking about it makes me break out if shattered vertebray

LOS: So how strong are you in 309?

Itachi: Oh, I'm really uber now. Wonderful powers were granted to me when Sasuke aloft his magic sword and said;

**"ITACHI HAS THE POWER!"**

**  
see the comic of this at Here (pt1) and Here (pt2). Art by the wonderful InuLeeli -kudos, kudos-  
**


	6. Fifth Entry

Orochimaru : Hey Tsunade, Jiraiya! Wanna come over to my house for a slumber party like we used to have?

Sasuke : Of course I'll join you for a bowl of Ramen instead of planning the destruction of my brother, Naruto

Itachi : Oh the black fingernails? The whole Manicure session cost me 50 bucks! But it was totally worth it, I look so punk rock now.

Itachi: Damn, I accidentally used my Mangekyou Sharingan in front of the mirror... now what? Am I dreaming? Arrggh!

Kisame: Fish are friends not food

Jiraiya: I, Jiraiya, solemnly swear never to look at another boob.

Itachi: I'm so weak I wish I wasn't such a woman.

Orochimaru: Ok lets pretend I'm straight for one minute…..

kakashi: naruto...where the hell do you and sasuke get money to live in a house by your self?!

Gaara: I LUV U ALL!! HAVE SOME SAND!

Gaara: AHEM, there's sand on my boots.

Sarutobi to Orochimaru: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!

* * *

Orochimaru: No one will recognize me in this (puts on a Kenshin mask)

(while passing by a contrustion site- a plank of wood hits Orochimaru over the head)

Orochimaru: Oro!

* * *

Obito: Rin...with your medical jutsu...please take out my sharingan...and implant it...into Kakashi's left eye...

little later

Rin: Finished!

Kakashi: Err..thanks, Rin, but..you have implanted his tongue instead of his eye into my eye..

* * *

::some where in konoha::

lee: neji!

::neji turns around::

lee: hey neji!

neji: if your so damn fast you could of caught up to me easily...

lee: shut up!

neji: what is it that you want with me?

lee: well...at the chuunin exam you almost killed hinata-san!

neji: sooo...

lee: what if you did. then what? the whole hyuga clan would be on your ass!

neji: y..your right!

lee: aren't you suppose to protect her? your not itachi you know!

neji: damn your right! so what your telling me is i need to kill every one to get away with killing hinata?

* * *

::Naruto & Sasuke standing side-by-side doing similiar hand seals::

-Naruto & Sasuke- FU .::pose 1::. SION .::pose 2::. HA!!! .::pose 3::. FUSION NO JUTSU!!!

::Blinding light appears and a new ninja is Born::

Kakashi: WHAT!?!? They completed "THAT" Forbidden Jutsu!?!?

Fused Naruto and Sasuke: Hmm since we are like this... You can call Us Uzuchida Nasuke::Curse seal spreads to Lvl 2 and Kyuubi Power Fluctuates around Nasuke's body::. You Will Die Today!!

::Rasengan forms in Nasuke's right hand; Chidori forms in the other hand. Nasuke claps his hands together to form a Spinning Chidori-like Rasengan::

Orochimaru: No matter how powerful you get I'll defeat you and have your body as My Own!

DBZ Announcer: Two of the Most Powerful Genin's have combined to form One Ultimate Entity... Nasuke! ... With power of the Curse seal, Kyuubi and Sharingan.. Will it be enough to destroy Orochimaru!?!? Find out Next time... On "Naruto Brawl Z!!" DBZ ending music

* * *

Iruka - Today it's my treat Naruto! Eat all you can muster!!

Naruto - You do realize I have a fox the size of a fucking mountain in my belly, right?

* * *

Gaara vs Naruto

Gaara: .::throws ninjaball::. Shukaku, I choose you!!!

Naruto: oh yeah? .::throws a ninjaball too::. Kyuubi, I choose you!!!

* * *


End file.
